Friday, 3/4/11

It has almost been a week since she left, the house is quiet.  Sammie has taken over her spot as the house champion.  She sleeps and watches the front door at night, every night. Cant say everything is back to normal because it is not.  There is a lot of silence.

I am grateful that Ema is here, but she will have to return soon.  She is always around, I don’t think I had the chance to be sad and be alone. 

The good news, we are going to meet a new puppy tomorrow.  Part of me wants to get another dog, another part of me does not.  We will see…

Sunday, 2/27/11 2:22PM saying good-bye

Today at 2:22PM, Marc and I said our final good-byes to our beautiful, brave, and courageous dog Brandy.    I held her big, soft, and gentle head on my left lab as Dr Worth started the injection.  Brandy looked at the both of us and gave her last resistance that she wanted to stay….. She looked very peaceful in her last moments.  She was only 7 years old; her face was beautiful and young. We are defeated and broken.

This morning, Marc saw the last time that Brandy waggled her tail and just stared at the cold frigid air.  Her pain was so apparent that she could not walk, could not sit, and could not stand too long. Marc and I both felt the decision was the best for her; we do not want her in pain. I am so selfish to said that I would have taken care of her and do not want her to leave.  

How do you have the courage to let her go? We have been asking this question for a while.  No matter how determined we were to fighting osteosarcoma, putting all of our savings for her treatment, and contacting the best doctors from the East to the West coasts. In the end, the 5 months estimated time, came down to 1 month.  How do you accept this reality? For the past 36 hours, we have been to the hospital 3 times to give her a fennel patch, maximum pills, to injection.  All of this did not work.  Each time her pain was unmanageable, she led Marc to the garage door, and asked to go to the car. She sat in the car and waited for us to take her for a drive. She wanted us to take her to the hospital for help.  Her quality of life diminished rapidly within these 36 hours.  Both of her legs did not support her body, her heart raced at 140-150 beats per second, and she could not sit down. 

Last night, Marc brought a $10 T-bone steak for Brandy and she ate all of it.  I am sad to say that the 2 additional T-bones that we brought this morning were not consumed.  When Brandy could not eat the steak, we knew that it was time to let her go.

When we came home from the hospital, Sammie was waiting for us by the garage door.  It is like she understands and knows what has happened.  The house is silent, very quiet this night.  Marc and I decided to buy the NJ and WA houses for the dogs so that they can have a better quality of life and run in the back yards. Suddenly, the 3000 square foot house seemed too big for the 3 of us.  For the first time in our 9 years, we do not have a dog. We told Emily that Brandy is at the doctor’s office.  She doesn’t understand and it is better this way.

We noticed that Sammie sitting by the front door waiting for Brandy.  We tried to get her up by telling her it is time for dinner (If you know my fat cat, this always works.  It did not today.), and she did not come up.  It seems like she knows and is taking Brandy place to watch the house.  This breaks both of our hearts …

Thursday, 2/24 Ema is visiting,

Last night was one evening to remember, we had our first beautiful snowfall in NewCastle this year.  Emily and I were upstairs eating roasted chicken wings for dinner.  Sammie showed up, and then Brandy showed up.  You have to ask how Brandy climbed the stairs with one bad leg.  (She did not go to surgery yesterday because we felt that she can manage her leg and do not want her to go through the pain of being opened up again.) Brandy’s insatiable appetite is remarkable.  What she would do for food?  

I panicked because Marc was coming home late and Brandy could not stay upstairs too long. I was afraid to take her downstairs because if she falls, I cannot pick her up and another broken leg would be a game changer.  By 7:30PM, she kept on whining, I knew she needed to go, and tried to move her to the bathroom.  The impossible happened, (not to be gross) diarrhea (yes, it is true).  You cannot imagine the horror on my face.  I used everything from Mr. Clean to Windex, everything in the closet to clean it.

I kept her in the bathroom throughout the night.  My migraine started, and all I hear was Brandy whining and whining.  By 10:30PM.  I knew that I had to take her downstairs and could not wait for Marc.  With all of my mighty powers, I took the dog leash, and tried to restraint her from running down the stairs.  She pulled very strongly, and rushed out the doors.  My feet were covered in snow; I did not wear socks with my slippers or have a jacket on. The seconds appeared to be minutes; I shivered as I waited by the front yard. When she finished her business, I ran up the stairs, jumped into my covers shaking from the cold, and fell into a deep sleep.

Emily wanted to play in the snow by the deck.  Brandy was watching Emily by the door, I knew she wanted to go out.  I took the gate and blocked the staircase to the garden.  Emily and Brandy were making snow angels together, and I caught some really great photographs of the two of them.  I have a couple of videos also.  In the last snow fall by late November, the two of them were inseparable and spent at least 2-3 hours outside playing with snow on the deck.  I will be posting their pictures as soon as I can find the canon USB cable.

Today, my mother-in-law arrived.  I cleaned and sanitized the entire house.  Brandy wanted to join us for a ride to the airport. If I had a ramp I would have let her into the car, but I did not.  Emily was so happy to see Ema.

For dinner, I cooked my fermented bean curd, garlic, and scallion chicken dish, it was delicious.  My brother told me to bake it in the oven.  My mother always fried the chicken in the wok.  Although it was great, I think the chicken would taste better in the wok than the oven. 

To end the day, we watched the Princess Frog and Ema and I had a facial.  It is nice to have family around.

Tuesday, 2/22/11 Salted Egg

Brandy’s surgery is postponed to Wednesday.  This big girl was so happy to see me at 12:30PM, she greeted by the garage door a big smile.  I gave her 2 pork shoulder bones for lunch with soup.  Sammie was staring at me and questioning where was her food?  

Sammie is my big FAT cat with a tiny head.  She is the most adorable and meanest cat in the house.  She is so FAT that everyone believes she is pregnant.  No joke.  Really, no joke.  All jokes aside, Sammie loves Brandy.  Since Brandy has been sick and cannot climb the stairs; Sammie has been sleeping on the 1^st floor by Brandy’s side.  It is really sweet because Sammie loves to sleep on a soft bed.  For the past month, she has been sleeping on the carpet or shared a blanket on the hard floor. 

I am very proud to tell you Emily knows phonics for letters A-T. Emily also knows 40+ words, and numbers 1-30.   All of this is home schooled.  She is attending preschool full time for Mandarin and Japanese.  She can count 1-20 in Mandarin, and phrases in both languages. 

During dinner tonight, Brandy walked so fast for her food that you can barely tell that she has a rupture on her ACL.  Good food makes everything better. I have enough pork bones until tomorrow, and will have to get more on Thursday.  The only problem is that there is snow on the road, and if you have ever been to Seattle, 1 cm of snow is a problem on a hill. The roads are not salted here, so driving is very dangerous.  The entire city can be shut down because the houses and buildings are built on hills.

I cooked my mother’s salted egg recipe; 1 salted egg mixed with 2 fresh eggs and steamed for 5-7 mins. At dinner, Emily took the spoon from me and ate all of her food.  Sometimes, food does not have to be complicated and/or take a lot of time to cook.  Kids love comfort food, and this is Asian comfort food.  It is a recipe that has been passed from generation to generation.

My mother told me to cook her special spicy fermented tofu, scallion, and fried chicken dish for my mother-in-law during her visit starting Thursday.  I have not had that since March 2009.  In March 2009, my mother came to Seattle with me to help take care of Emily while I searched for a daycare.  During those 1.5 months, my mother cooked, cleaned, and helped take care of my precious Emily. My mother always prepares this recipe Chinese New Year’s Eve.  In my 36 years, these past 2 consecutive years are the only time that I have not spent time with my mother, and eat her delicious feast.  I hope that in 2012, I will be there for the special chicken dish again.  As I grow older and also being a mother, I realized how important my role is to Emily and to our pets. I appreciate my mother because she has always been at home waiting for me with a bowl of rice, a bowl of soup, a plate of vegetables and a plate of fish. And I will have something special prepared for Brandy and Emily everyday.

Tomorrow, I will defrost the chicken in preparation for Thursday night’s meal. Stay tune…

Monday 2/22/11 Emily has a tutu

Today, Brandy’s movement has been limited throughout the day; she did not go to pee as often as before.  Her appetite is the same. Despite the pain on her leg, she would get up to eat beef bones.  I brought more pork shoulder bones today and boiled them. This little part makes me happy that it makes her happy.

Last night, Emily happily walked over to her to say good night and Brandy barked at her.  Emily cried and said that she did not like Brandy.  Mmmm. Tough situation when the dog did not want to be bothered and she was in a lot of pain.  Emily wanted to give her dog a kiss goodnight.  Tomorrow she will be off to surgery.  I am hoping this is it and no more accidents.  Anymore, I am not sure how to handle it. 

Emily was really happy today; I brought her a purple tutu for her dancing class.  At the supermarket, they painted 2 butterflies on her hand.  It is these little things that make her so happy.  Don’t you wish, everyone can be happy with simple things in life?

For dinner, I made chicken black bean sauce.  I brought the black beans, not the paste.  Oh no no.  The paste is the easy way out.  I wanted to make the same red snapper fish with black bean sauce that I had in Costa Rica.  The taste was close, but the texture and color needed to be richer.  I was on youtube (yes, I love youtube) watching how to cook it.  Believe it or not, the chef used the black bean paste, I was a bit disappointed.  I called my mother for the recipe.

Have you notice that in cooking, it takes a long time to perfect a dish.  For me, I am still an apprentice; it takes many times before I am satisfied with it.  The thing I really appreciate about Brandy is that she loves my food.  She loves whatever I cook; now that is unconditional love. I brought more radishes today at the market.  I am about to make my 3^rd radish cake.   The first one was ok, the 2^nd one was too mild, and I am hoping the 3^rd to be perfect.  If not, there will be more...   It is all that I eat because I love making it.  Down to 117 lbs.

My husband asked me today why is cooking so important to me.  I cook to show how much I love them.  I put all of my energy in my food.  Many times, the food is bland, other times it is ok.  I tried and tried each day because I do not want to give up on being a better mom for Emily and Brandy, and a better wife to Marc.  It is the one thing that I am very good at and tried to be better at each day.

On another note, the bump on my head still hurts, but the headaches are gone. Hey, thinking of going back to school for law or possibly be a high school chemistry teacher.  When everything looks a bit murky, I like to listen to Fergie and Guns N’Roses music.  They take me to a much happier place.  I am listening to Sweet Child of Mine, really good song. I love Slash’s solo on the guitar, which is my favorite part of the whole song.  There are things that can’t be resolved, and there are things that can take your mind to a better place….

Sunday, 2/20/11 - An accident

On Friday morning, Brandy was so happy that she wanted to be in the car and go Emily with school.  There was no food; Brandy just wanted to be with us.  You have to see the look in her eyes, as she sat in the car.  She was in heaven and wanted to be part of the family. Emily was so happy too, she was petting Brandy’s fur.  How can two perfectly beautiful animals be so content with one another?  Of all of the drives to school, the most satisfying and joyful ride for Emily and I was Friday.  It is an incredible feeling to have unconditional love, and that someone wants to be with you, just with you. 

It is stressing to inform you that somehow Brandy tore her ACL on her back leg Friday; I noticed when I picked Emily from school.  It is all part of the circle of life or a big joke.  I really feel so sorry for her, she wants to be with us and not be confined in the bathroom.  She is so attached to me during the day; I cannot help but try to see what I can do to make things better for her. I am not sure if surgery or rest is the best healing source.  Also, the oncologist from NJ informed us that chemo with radiation would be a better method to slow the cancer.  Dr 

 Craig will be giving us a call next week, and believes our current oncologist is not giving Brandy the best treatment.  Can you believe that? Just when you think you are doing your best...

On a personally note, I hit my head on the car door at 5PM Friday, it is a big bruise and it still hurts today.  And I am come down with a case of sore throat.  It could be because of the frigid cold from walking Brandy late at night.  Regardless, I have to get better; my mom-in-law is coming next week.

Thursday, 2/17/11 T-bone for lunch

As if Brandy knew that I will be taking her out this morning for a ride (Today is the day to test for her white blood cell count), she rushed out to the garage door first and jumped right into the car.  Or it could be that Emily had a yummy custard bun, and I had a grilled cheese sandwich.  Miss Brandy sampled both.

Her blood work is normal. Whew…. However, I am a bit upset that the oncologist charged us $55 for less than a 5 minute checkup excluding the blood work cost.  I was not able to see the examination. This is highway robbery.  I have to check with the local vet and see what they will charge.  If the local vet charges $55, at least the checkup will be longer than 5 minutes, and I can be there to ask questions. 

Food. Yummy food for the big girl.   Today, a T-bone for lunch. I boiled $5 worth of beef bones.  Brandy ate 3 bones, she was so happy.  What can you give that will top that? For dinner, she had rice, beef soup, and of course Emily’s leftovers from lunch. 

Dog food does not exist in our home. 

I took Emily to her first Creative Movement dance at the YMCA.  Emily kept on smiling at me through the window and put her thumbs up a couple of times. She loves this class; I have to get her a tutu. At the Nordstrom Rack, there is a section dedicated to pink tutus.  How can I resist?  The big smile on her face is priceless. 

Emily is asleep.  I am having my facial, reading on the iPad, and sitting on the big girl’s comforter.  The big girl is falling asleep. Sammie (our beloved FAT cat) is also sitting on the comforter to keep Brandy company.  Sammie is Brandy’s arch nemesis, and best friend.  They have a tender relationship, loving each other one minute, and loathing each other the next minute.  Sammie has been very kind to Brandy.  She sits and sleeps next to Brandy often.  If men can be so kind to each other, then there is hope for world peace.